Day 70 - Homeward Bound

Surprise :)

I had wanted to keep my return to Australia a surprise for a number of reasons:

a) I was never sure exactly when I would be coming home, especially given my experiences of the last week or two,

b) I didn't want to set a precedent that I would then feel obliged to fulfil,

and

c) because I dig the idea of surprising my friends and family.

Point A has been dealt with exhaustively in this blog. I've had such an incredible number of amazing experiences, so many of them being difficult to live but hilarious to recount. None of them I regret, because none of them can be changed.

This is where point B comes in: I feel ready to come home, and it has nothing to do with a length of time spent.

I set out on this journey to spread my music around Europe, to overcome my performance anxiety and hear a wide range of opinions on my CD. I have accomplished all three.

I also set out on this journey, as strange as it sounds, to talk to myself.

There is a great word in french, dépaysé. It literally means "de-countried", but can be understood as something closer to disoriented. It bears with it, however, a feeling of being entirely removed from your habitual life, feeling out of place. I have spent a lot of time on this trip feeling dépaysé.

It's as though my life in the recent past has been too noisy for me to hear myself. I know that, typically, I have a good internal dialogue that enables me to nut things out and get to the bottom of them. On this trip I've had the time and the peace to have long discussions with myself, occasionally out loud. This, coupled with my appearance at certain points on this trip, would have been wonderfully worrisome to other passengers in the first class train coaches. It took me feeling completely alone in some places in order to really connect the dots and make sense of things.

There has been a spectacular balance of incredibly taxing tasks, both physically and mentally; and still, serene moments. The former usually involved either travelling between cities or having no money (or both), while the latter was generally spent either on a train or with my guitar. In my post from Lyon I outlined it probably as best I can:  It's as though life has led me up the mountain, up the long and tortorous path, only to show me the view - and I'm surprised by how far I've come. I'm surprised by the height of the mountain, by how far I can see into the distance.

So, although the voyage was essentially "cut short" by the loss of passport disabling me from going to the states, nothing has been lost. Everything remains contained in this cosmologically brief adventure which will never be re-lived. I've assembled enough stories to last me years, and I have in my heart what feels like a well of magical moments that I can draw from whenever I wish. On top of this, I've discovered the core of my resilience. I know where it lies and how strong it is, and it is strong enough to be the foundation of anything that I may want to achieve in the future.

It's a marvellous thing to reach for your limits and discover that they stretch farther than you dare extend your hand.

So, veni vedi vici. I've never done anything more worthwhile.

Thank you to everyone who was part of my magical wanderings.

To those: that I met while travelling, all those that gave me a place to stay (often with only a few hours' notice), those who dropped a coin into my guitar case, who bought a CD, who sent me photos they took of me, who came and talked to me between songs, who defended me against Police officers, gave me directions, gave me free beer, translated important information given by civil servants, agreed to play my CD in their youth hostel or café or restaurant, gave me constructive criticism, used their student card to get me a free hamburger, suggested good places to play in the city, taught me outrageously long words, kept me company in cold train stations in the middle of the night, gave me optimistic advice, bought me a meal, and those who were just simply friendly.

Merci, Danke, Dank U, Dakujem, Tak, Thank you.

You are the substance to my dreams.

:)

- Tim